Oh, Seamless. You’re so wonderful. You make bags of hot, tasty food appear at my doorstep like magic. New Yorkers adore you. I adore you.
But WHAT is this? Are you really this unimaginative? Does no one there understand how innuendo works and when it’s appropriate?
This is the real world, not Fifty Shades of Grey. No one—no one!—wants to think about their chicken parm sandwich as anything but that. A sandwich.
You are not Victoria’s Secret. You are not Durex. Please, stop acting like it because honestly, it’s gross.
Stick to food. Everyone everywhere will thank you.